Which Brain is Leading Today? A Guide for Families and Classrooms
Have you ever wondered why, when we are very upset, it feels like we’ve forgotten how to use our words? It’s because our brains have different “modes” of operating. Understanding these three states can help children navigate their big feelings and get back to a place where they can learn and grow.
1. The Lizard Brain: Safety First
The Lizard Brain is the part of us used for existing. It controls our breathing and keeps us safe. When a child is in a “Lizard” state, they are usually in survival mode—fight, flight, or freeze.
- To tell your child: “When the Lizard is in charge, you might feel like hiding or yelling. That’s okay! It just means your brain is trying to protect you. Before we can talk, we need to help the Lizard feel safe by taking slow, deep breaths.”
- The Goal: Focus on safety. You can’t reason with a lizard, so prioritize calm and quiet until the body feels safe again.
2. The Dog Brain: Feelings and Actions
The Dog Brain is the part used for emotions. Think about how a dog communicates. When a dog is happy, it wags its tail; when it is scared or angry, it might bark or even bite. A dog doesn’t have the words to say, “I am feeling overwhelmed right now.” It simply reacts with its body.
- To tell your child: “Sometimes, we feel like that dog. We might ‘bark’ at a friend or ‘bite’ with our words because our feelings are too big. A dog doesn’t know how to use words to solve problems—it just reacts. To get past the barking, we need to do excited things like movement or play to help us move toward our thinking brain”.
- The Goal: Build connection and use positive energy to bridge the gap between big emotions and clear thinking.
3. The Human Brain: Our Special Skill
The Top / Human Brain is what makes us unique—it is used for calm thinking. Unlike the lizard or the dog, humans have a specialized “Scholar” brain that allows us to use language, solve puzzles, and plan for the future.
- To tell your child: “This is where your ‘Super Skills’ live! When you are in your Human Brain, you can use your words to say how you feel instead of just barking like a dog. You can solve problems and be a scholar. We do thinking things to stay in this calm, smart state”.
- The Goal: Use this state for learning, chores, and talking through problems. This is the only part of the brain that can truly “listen to reason.”
How to Use This Roadmap
The next time a child is struggling, try to identify which part of the brain is in the driver’s seat.
- Regulate the Lizard: If they are in survival mode, offer safety and breathing.
- Connect with the Dog: If they are “barking” or emotional, use play or a hug to connect. Remember, they aren’t being “bad”—they just don’t have their Human Brain tools yet.
- Think with the Human: Once they are calm, move into “Scholar” mode. Now that the Human Brain is back, they can finally use their words to express what they need.